Sunday, May 11, 2008

Tribute to my dad


I am shattered since my father unexpectedly passed away two weeks ago. I will never forget this in my life. It happened in such a way that I planned my tenth anniversary trip to Hawaii. There was lot of obstacles like flight cancellation, interisland flight bankrupt. Friends said I was lucky that I could still make the trip. Me, my wife and Ishwar landed at Maui, picked up the car and checked in the hotel. Few minutes after entering the room, got a call that my dad was collapsed. It was very hard to believe. I have heard people say it's never easy to lose a parent. And they're right; it's not. My dad wasn't sick or diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. He was a healthy 65-year-old whose death was purely accidental. My friends call him Jackie Chan. He was so active.

He told his friend to be healthy like him an hour before he was collapsed. Although I'm 38, I sometimes still feel like a kid. Luckily I had the huge support of my family, and friends. And my dearest and closest friends stepped up and volunteered to get us to the funeral after a 30 hour long flight. I can't express how grateful I am. Very tough travel esp. when there was no OCI, no interisland flight, no drop off and so on.




I've been getting through this hard time by remembering the good times. Great memories of my dad and the life we shared with him. He was more of my friend than my father. If I had to share just one thing I learned from Dad, it is his positive attitude. My dad wanted the best in life. And he went all out to enjoy every day of it. A few others I should definitely share.

We are five brothers inherited gem of qualities from my dad. He was cool with inter-religion wedding. He won’t get disheartened when someone abuses but did get elated so much when some one praises. He never showed hatred against anyone. He took care of us more than a staff nurse when we get sick. He treated our wives as his own daughters. He forced us to learn foreign language when others in his cadre thought it would be expensive. Taught us how to take care of our wives and often quotes ‘naan kaanum ulahangal aval kaana vendum’. His likes ‘thannilai thaazhaamaiyum annilai thazhndhakkaal uyir vaazhaamaiyum maanam enappadum’.
My son cried and said he would like to reverse time to make a trip to India to save his grandpa.

I told my wife that she will never forget this anniversary trip thinking of Maui. I told my VP we always go to India for vacation and this would be the first time we are trying different. Apparently it turned out that I had to go to his funeral. Fate is something that you cannot fight with. But it could have taken five years from all his son to extend him another 25 years. He lives with us in our sprit.

Raja you are a wave
Appeared as a tide to save
Lead us to be brave
How can wave go grave

You are a storm
Took care of mom
Can’t be a dome
Come back home

You are the man
We are your fan
Always you ran
How could we mourn?

Man with the pride
Had on our side
Took us all for a ride
Can’t hear you died

Engal aaviyir kalandha anbu deivam Thiru Rajasekaran.

38 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Yes. My husband is absolutely right about him. He treated me as his own daughter. May his soul rest in peace.
    Anandhi

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  3. Hi Suresh,

    I am really sorry to hear the news.

    He is an absolute fun loving, cheerful dad. Always admire him for his smile on his face.

    I cannot forget those laughing
    moments I enjoyed with dad.
    Whenever I visit your home he shared his memory of bringing you all up. Especially the care which he showed on your mother is wonderful.

    Not to underestimate the love you cared on him and your longing for him to be with you and spend time with his grandson.

    My prayers are with you and the family at this time.

    ~Santhana G Maran

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  4. Dear Suresh, that was a great tribute. Dead is dead only when forgotten. And forgetting is not easy. Especially when one has his children manifesting one's own characteristics and spirit. Your dad in fact lives in each of you as well as your children. That is the beauty of life in its ability to multiply. Take very good care of mother. No doubt that he will rest in peace knowing that he has good children that will continue his goodwill and legacy.

    Rajaram

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  5. I tried to post my comment but did not have a google account. The tribute was worthy for every word mentioned. Our thoghts and prayers are with all your family members at these trying times. Convey our regards to your brother too.

    Sridevi/Vijay

    Thanks
    Nalinikant Vijay Arekapudi
    503-945-6839
    nalinikant.v.arekapudi@state.or.us

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  6. From: MURRAY Judy L
    Sent: Monday, May 05, 2008 9:51 AM
    To: RAJASEKARAN Magesh
    Subject: RE: Tribute to my dad wrote by my brother.

    Magesh, this tribute is so so good. I'll bet you have so many stories you could tell of your big family with all son's. Your mom and dad I am sure are so proud of you all and what good men you have turned out to be.

    I took this from a TV show, but it is so good I will share it with you: it was when a character on TV .. He had just found out his father was gone.. This was a tribute written for him.

    We're born, we grow, we live, we die.

    If were lucky we have family and friends

    who know us and love us. But no matter what happens,

    remember that wherever we go and whatever we do,

    we can know that the spirit of the mother

    and the spirit of the father are alive in each of us.

    That everything good already exists within ourselves.

    Take care Magesh..

    Judy

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  7. Magesh,
    It is really good tribute to him. As a father or Parents what ever they have done us all is some thing which we cannot repay them at all at any cost.
    May his soul rest in peace and pray to god to give all the strength and energy to carry forward his ideas and fulfill all his wishes.
    Thanks,
    Damodara Kamuju

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  8. Hi Magesh,

    Heartfelt tribute. I remember you mentioned that your father is like a friend to you all brothers. I understand this the moment of deep sorrow for you. I hope you get over it soon thinking that you Dad is always in your heart and mind.

    Talk to you later,
    Madan

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  9. Magesh,
    We extend our deepest condolences for you and your family on your loss. Your brother's tribute is heart-warming and shows how big of an influence your dad was on all of you.

    Anil

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  10. Hi Magesh, Suresh & all in the family,

    Its truly a heartfelt tribute. Some say "Its not easy when a severed part of our life just leaves us like this, especially a parent." but never feel he has left, he resides within you and your brothers, every particle in your body... each drop of blood within you has his footprint within you. He is never gone, he lives within you and will stay with you all thru your life. Never feel his absence, its those brief moments with one another which has memories that last a life time.

    We are always besides you, never ever feel alone, in your life to come.

    Take care,

    Chetan Joshi.

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  11. Magesh:

    We were deeply sorry to hear about your father; It is great to hear & read about the spirited, active and healthy life he led to his last day. He also managed the transition from father to friend for his sons & DILs, which is hard to do even for the current generation. Knowing you/Suresh, I can say that you do exemplify a lot of your dad's passion for life and family.

    Please accept our condolences to you, Shirley, Arjun, Suresh & family.

    Take care.
    Seshadri Krishnan

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  12. Magesh, thank you for sharing this tribute to your dad. It sounds like he was a good man and great father, and will be missed by those who knew him. I wish you and your family my sympathies and hope you'll be able to find peace during this tribulation.

    Chris Howell

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  13. Magesh,
    Thanks for sharing.
    You look just like him and your heart is BIG and your spirit generous, now we know where you got it!
    Of course, as a mom, I'm sure you get a lot of your great qualities from her, too!
    Laurie HALL

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  14. Magesh,
    Very true….I can feel it..

    Still remember his beautiful cycle – they way he goes to his work….

    Last time when I meet him – he was discussing about his problem with his passport (Actually, he was longing to spend time with his grand-children in US)

    He was ready to pay for your Medical studies in Russia (He bought motor bike for you in your High school days)

    Great person - We can say him as sixty five year old kid - very innocent (still remember the conversation with police-inspector during your marriage)

    Thanks and Regards,
    Christo
    Extn:55627
    Mobile:9444034224

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  15. Hi Magesh,

    We extend our deepest condolences ...to u & all ur family members. Reading the tribute we could understand how great he was..
    Nobody can fill the place of a parent ..


    Indeed its a irrecoverable loss ..

    Regards,
    Subha & Ramesh

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  16. Dear Magesh, Shirley and Arjun,

    I was and remain so sorry to hear about the untimely death of your Father, father-in-law, and grandfather. It is a terribly painful experience to lose a parent, let alone when it occurs so unexpectedly and long before you can even consider life without their presence, their face, their voice, their laughter and their love. I know it must seem so unreal, as if it were a terrible, terrible dream from which you are just unable to awaken. Only with the inevitable passage of time will come the healing of your hearts and the restoration of your hearts' ability to once again laugh and smile, though always touched with the pain that comes from the absence of a beloved parent who has passed on.

    Please know that though we are far apart you and all of your family are in my heart's thoughts and prayers. Please extend my deepest heartfelt sympathies to your Mother and family.

    Your friend,
    Scott

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  17. Awwwww, I am so sorry to have you in so much pain. Thanks for sharing.

    Brenda Georg

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  18. Hi Suresh~

    Your father sounds like a really great man, I am truly sorry for your loss and if you need anything please don’t hesitate to let me know.

    Warm regards,
    Billy

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  19. Suresh,

    I am SO sorry to hear about your loss, Suresh. Though I have not yet faced this challenge, I have lost people close to me and know that it is something that can be so, so hard.

    I would recommend a beautiful book called Ana Cara: The Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O'Donahue. He writes about the ancient Celtic belief that life is a series of friendships: with yourself, with the world, with your partner, and ultimately with death. I've never read a more beautiful and healing perspective on death and the gifts it can bring to those who are left behind and yet to face it.

    Again, my heartfelt condolences and know my heart is with you.

    Greg

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  20. Hi Suresh, nice page, and heart felt story.

    Sriram

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  21. My Deepest Condolences to you and family.

    Regards,
    Suresh

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  22. Suresh,
    I’m very sorry to hear the news. I was actually thinking you went to Hawaii . Please accept my deep condolences and may your dad’s soul rest in peace.

    Jeyanthi

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  23. Hi Suresh,
    I am really sorry to hear about your dad. You wrote a very moving tribute.
    My condolences to your family, hope you get through this.

    -Padma

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  24. Dear Rajesh, Magesh, Ji and all of Raja’s family,

    The loss of DAD is tragic. We lost a good friend; he was very active and so friendly. I still remember the retirement day and how all praised his activeness and praised him as busy bee of railways.

    He always thinks high and treated all of us as his own son. While calling “hi Dad” even in phone he immediately recognize me and reply back with ‘solluda subu!’

    Dad was scolding when I choose to join Railways but so happy when I return to IT field. He always encouraged earning more and going to foreign. He had shown so much care towards Amma, helping her in all the way possible.

    DAD…we all miss you so much. We miss your friendliness…your love.

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  25. Magesh,
    For a short moment I met him, I easily related to what you always tell of him, a passionate, youthful and kind gentlemen. He definitely lived in your words, actions and reasons. I am sure he will do so. He has been a guardian, father and a father in law for Shirley on various occasions in her life. His values were far from religions and social statuses. I hope and pray you and your family will soon embrace his omnipresence in your life.

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  26. Magesh & Family

    It was great tribute by your brother. And it is heart felt by seeing the message.
    No doubt loosing such a good father who is having many good qualities. It is irrecoverable loss. May be physically not available with us but he is in our hearts. Take care of your mother and fulfill your father wishes.

    May his soul rest in piece.

    Syama Sundara Rao/Damodara Kamuju

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  27. From: Chandra Muthuswamy
    Sent: Sunday, May 25, 2008 8:21 AM
    To: grsuresh
    Subject: Re: FW: dad

    Hi Suresh,

    I am really shocked to hear this and could not believe it. My hearty condolences to you and the family and really sorry to hear the timing of the tragedy and the pain that you and the family had to go through. I remember those days when I had to come to your home in Trichy for lunch/dinner and your Dad's kindness and more importantly how a fun loving character he was. It is really sad to hear this especially when he was so healthy.

    I pray to go to God to give you & the family the courage to get through this and may his soul rest in peace. Please convey my condolences to the family.

    Sekhar

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  28. From: Ramprasad Rangasamy
    Sent: Saturday, May 17, 2008 6:54 AM
    To: grsuresh
    Subject: RE: dad

    Suresh

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad, a role which couldn't be replaced. You feel the pain more as you are a dad now. I will call you today.

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  29. Hi Suresh:

    Sorry about the news. Thanks for sharing as it usually helps sharing. I think you are a great son and I am sure he will appreciate that.
    rgds
    Avinash

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  30. Dear Suresh,
    Really it is a great pain we have to go through in our life, this kind of end will get only for the person chosen by him, It is really good to have an end without knowing we are dying. As you mentioned he really lived with purpose of living and fulfilled his life. At least you have made it to see him on his journey.

    There is no end for love, still we can love him and keep him with us, surely he will guide you and be with you through out your life.

    We pray to keep his soul in peace.
    With love and regards,
    Das and Family

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  31. From: sivasundari@yahoo.com
    Sent: Friday, May 16, 2008 11:32 AM
    To: grsuresh
    Subject: Re: dad

    Hi Suresh,

    I am really sorry to hear about your dad. I know how hard it is to digest since the same thing happened to my dad. He was talking over the phone to me a few hours before he collapsed.

    Please try to take the good things he taught you and follow it.

    Siva

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  32. From: sangeetha sampath
    Sent: Friday, May 16, 2008 10:59 AM
    To: grsuresh
    Subject: Re: dad

    Dear Suresh,
    Please accept my sincere condolences. I pray for great stregnth to your family. From your blog, its clear that your dad played a great role in your life, and none can fill it!.. God bless you with great strength... and spirit.

    Regards,
    Sangeetha

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  33. Dear Suresh,

    We are really sorry to hear this sad news. Convey our condolences to your mother and your family. I can feel it how much pain you went through..Hope you and your family recover soon..Take care of your mother and your family..

    venki, viji.

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  34. Dear Magesh and Suresh,

    No words can console your family and Mom. I'm sorry to hear about this shocking news so late from Magesh yesterday(I called him casually to let him know that we are back from vacation). Priya and I want to share your grief and pray for your loving Dad. We're sure he would have a peaceful life beyond this earth remembering such wonderful children !! We also pray that your Mom gets through this phase of life with all her strength !!

    Regards,
    Sridhar and Priya - St.Louis.

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  35. Dear Suresh,
    I am really sorry to hear the news. I definitely pray for his soul to rest in peace.

    regards
    James

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  36. Hi Magesh,

    Sad to hear the news that your DAD is no more, But felt proud and happy too know that he was great to have so many persons loving him still.

    I have been to your house and have spoke to your DAD you guys are lucky to have DAD like that.

    I know how shirley was taken care by your famaly members.. great famaly, good peoples..

    Sure your DAD soul will rest in peace

    Rajasekaran.G

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  37. Hi Suresh, Thanks for following me on twitter.I am happy to find sensitive, good hearted youngsters on the net at an age where people have no time to speak leave alone write...your blogs reflect your personality..lot of mentions about 'dreams coming true'..Let us hope for the day when our dreams of a happy, healthy (not just physically but mentelly , emotionally and spiritually) peaceful friendly world coming true.
    I read abt yr appa. I am sorry . I do not want to add a comment for it is a feeling ..not to comment but share. I know what it is to lose someone close. I am sharing one of my writings (its almost a little boigraphy!) which I wrote 18 yrs back when my husband passed away suddenly.( I am in the editirial board of a magzine called'SelfKnowledge'made for members of Samvit Sagar, & I write often for the same) Finding your interest in writing, and poetry I thought you would connect.

    Ticket less Travel

    I was not sure if I had a ticket – if I had, where to I did not know. The station was swarming with people. I did not know how I got into the train. I was pushed into it, with my baggage. I did not know what my baggage contained. In the moving train I looked around. The place was full of people and things. There was a couple who looked kind and loving and showed a lot of care about my comfort as we travelled and told me a lot of nice things about how to be a good child. I liked them very much and asked, “Who are you?” They said I could call them “father” and “mother”. The train moved on. More people got in and some got out. A girl and three boys got in at intervals. We became good friends and shared our food and places. We called each other brother and sister. It was a comfortable journey. Suddenly there was a lot of noise and fun fare outside. I asked my parents what was happening. They said it was an important junction. I saw this young man. Our eyes met. He came and sat near me and promised that he would take care of me till the journey was over. I was more than delighted. We talked about many things. A little later two little boys joined us. They were absolutely adorable. My partner and I took care of them by turns. They laughed and played and asked us who they were. I was reminded of my question at the beginning when I started. We said, “You can call us father and mother”. The train was moving at a uniform rhythm.

    As we watched people getting in and getting out, we saw a man with a striking countenance getting into our compartment. He struck me as someone different and I took an immediate liking to him. He was calm and serene, with a loving smile, speaking very gently to all those around him. His words were far from ordinary. As people clung on to their bags and talked about their destinations, he said with a smile, “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you did not hold on to your “belongings” and learn to be free? We are all going to the same place – the same place from where we all came. If you want I will give a helping hand in your journey”. They called him a teacher. He opened his large bag and distributed some precious gems to those around. I also put out my hand and got a few. I did not quite know their ‘value’; nevertheless I dropped them into my bag. Suddenly there was a commotion and I saw my partner getting out and go away without a word of farewell. Stunned I looked as the train pulled on. I felt cheated and alone. People around me sympathized with me and said how cruel it was. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I heard the teacher speaking. As I looked into his caring eyes I heard him say, “Ultimately you have to make it on your own. Where you reach is more important than with whom. Come on. Do it. Find your own strength from within”. The train seemed to move at a snail’s pace, and was going through long dark tunnels. I put my hands into my bag in search of a flashlight. My hands felt the precious gems inside. I pulled them out one by one to have a closer look. God! How dazzling they were, each more beautiful than the other! I was cursing myself for not taking more of them when the generous teacher offered any amount untiringly. What a fool I had been! The travel continued. The two little boys were on their own playing quietly. I looked around and found everyone so deeply engrossed in whatever they were doing. The ‘guide’ continued to talk. Amidst the noise and confusion, once in a while I could hear him. He said, “As you look through the window, you find the scenes outside constantly changing, while the train continues to move. But remember you remain the same inside, watching all that passes. It is as simple as that. So why fear about losses and gains? What you see and have is always changing and meaningless, while what you are is always the same”. Then he turned to me and said, “Do not worry, child. Learn to walk by yourself, with yourself, to yourself. That’s the secret”.

    I was lost in my thought as to how I would do it. Years passed. The train seemed to have picked up speed. As I looked around, I found a lot of new faces and some of the old ones missing. My teacher was sitting there. I moved near him with hesitation, wondering if there was any place near him. He smiled and said in his ever-warm voice, wearing his natural charming smile, “Come, come. There is plenty of place for all those who want to learn”. With confidence I took my steps.

    Now, as the train pulls along, I sit, poised and quiet, watching all those who come in and go out, with a friendly smile, ready to step out when the ticket expires. I no more fear the ticket less travel, for I have found my ticket now and I continue to enjoy the luxurious ride. My teacher has made me understand that it is a travel of a different dimension. Wherever I get off, it will be in the lap of the ever-expanding universe. As the teacher unfolds the truth of time and space, life and death, I now understand that the body is neither the destination nor does it have any. While watching the harsh realities day in and day out, my search for something deeper within has started. Now my travel, I know, has to be from surface to depth, from nothing to everything, from limited to unlimited, from mortal to immortal. Every point seems to be the destination. I wonder whether I am traveling or have become immobile.

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